Chasing Fate Away
by pzyche08
Summary: "Maybe so but this is New York, people think it's a big city but the truth is, more often than not, you always bump into someone you know even from way back. The ironic thing is that you always see people you don't ever want to see again." AU. Please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**Chasing Fate Away**

Three years of bumping into each other at the most unexpected time, at places where the both of them would be surprised to find each other. The first time was at a coffee shop jam-packed with a lot of people. Everyone was busy chattering away. The tables were so close to each other that you would be able to overhear conversations from three tables away. She was going to get her change from the counter when a tall guy in a hurry to escape the scene, spilled his caramel macchiato on her newly-bought Marc Jacobs white knitted sweater dress. He tried to wipe the mess he had created with a bunch of paper napkins but he had only made matters worse. If looks could kill, he would have dropped dead at that instant but he was apologetic and his eyes looked sincere. She just walked away, shopping bags in one hand and an espresso on the other.

The next time they saw each other again was at a bookstore. She was just standing two feet away from him when he turned to her direction. He approached her and started the conversation without so much but a simple "hi."

"I'm really sorry about, you know. I'd be more than willing to pay for the dry cleaning." Then he thought, of course she'd be able to afford that. He should have offered to take her out to dinner instead.

She looked up to him and said without so much of a fuss, "I washed it thrice. The stain is gone but the sweater shrinked into a child's size. I'll never be able to wear it again."

"I'm really sorry about that. I really wish I could do something to make amends," he offered.

"No, it's okay. It's almost Spring anyway." She walks to the other side, pretending to look absorbed in finding a good book.

"I didn't know you like to read." She gives her a look and then he realized how that comment sounded. Making an effort to explain, he said, "I'm sorry. I didn't intend to sound… _condescending_."

"It's just that Upper East Side girls like me are supposed to be spoiled bitches who couldn't care more about literature or politics or perhaps anything that requires the use of a brain." When she said this, she had not sounded sarcastic or even the least bit annoyed. She just stated it as if it was a mere fact, a common knowledge to all but he noted a hint – just a tiny little bit hint of disapproval at this generalization. She always tries to blend in and stand out at the same time but she is a Waldorf and the whole world knows she will always be above the rest.

So he laughs and sort of agrees and disagrees with her, saying, "In the same way that Upper East Side boys are regarded as nothing more but spoiled rich bastards who get high on drugs, womanize, stir up trouble but always getting out of things unscathed."

When he grins, she smiles along with him. "How stereotypical."

"But then there's always something more than what meets the eye. _Ce qui est essentiel est invisible à l'oeil nu." _

"Are you trying to impress me?" She asked playfully.

"I'm not even trying and yet you're already impressed." When he speaks, he exudes confidence, the kind of confidence that is different from Chuck's or Nate's, the kind of confidence that was not overly practiced but just came with experience, the kind of confidence that's just innate. Perhaps it goes hand and hand with being born a Baizen.

"Touche." She says this in such a way that it doesn't make him think that he's already had her but just like that; she lets herself be charmed by the notorious Carter Baizen.

"So aside from children's books, what else do you like to read?"

He laughs again this time as she tries to seem not uninterested. "Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Milan Kundera, J.D. Salinger, Leo Tolstoy and the list goes on."

"That's a variety." She noticed that they're glancing over at the same book. "'By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept'… Hmm."

"It's for someone who's into Coehlo but I have read 'The Alchemist'."

Somehow, his first statement already made her assume that that 'someone' is his significant other (not that she's interested to know whether or not he's dating anyone, of course) so she nonchalantly replies, "I like the simple but profound message it conveys."

"That when you want something, the whole universe conspires in helping you to achieve it," he added.

"Yeah. Something like that."

"Somehow the whole universe is conspiring for us to meet again." There was a knowing look on his face but she just isn't the type who entertains such thoughts or cheesy pick up lines. Only in this case, she didn't find it cheesy but rather engaging so she mentally smacked herself on the head for being interested in him now when just last week, she was casting him murderous looks.

"I don't believe in destiny or any of that crap you're saying," she snidely remarked. Everybody who knows her knows how big of a romantic she truly is but when you break up with the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with, all your ideals change, you take a more realistic point of view on things.

"Neither do I. I think everybody is connected, in one way or the other. Everything that happens is brought about by something that's beyond our control. It's sort of like a domino effect… A series of events have brought us together at this moment."

"Maybe it's just plain coincidence."

"But how infinitesimal are the odds of bumping into you here, right now! Are you by yourself?"

"Yes. I like spending my Saturday afternoons inhaling the aroma of new books. It's a secret habit nobody knows." Maybe _Cabbage Patch _is rubbing off on her, she thinks.

"See? This is what I'm talking about. If you didn't like, I quote, 'inhaling the aroma of new books', then there would never have been a chance for you to be at the same bookstore where I am at this exact moment."

"Maybe so but this is New York, people think it's a big city but the truth is, more often than not, you always bump into someone you know even from way back. The ironic thing is that you always see people you don't ever want to see again."

"So I just happen to be one of those people you don't ever want to see?"

"You and I run in the same circles so it's impossible for us not to meet. I simply have no choice."

"I know this café that serves the best blueberry cheesecakes ever." He told her in a most convincing tone. "We can go there if you want."

"Where the hell did that come from? Are you even planning on spilling coffee on my clothes again?"

He lets out a small, hearty laugh. And she smiles an almost genuine smile. "Just as long as I can have an excuse to have the pleasure of your company, I might."

They have been talking with each other for four hours straight. She has known that he's currently taking his Master's in Management in Harvard, that he likes listening to jazz, that he can cook pasta and make sushi. She has known things about him, things you get to know about someone you meet for the first time. In this case, however, they have always been in the same social circle, always running into each other at social functions such as charity events, posh parties thrown by Manhattan's elite crowd but really there was never one time when they get past to the polite smiles and courteous nods.

"Is there something on my face?" You know how it is in the movies where the guy stares at the girl's face for a minute or two and then the girl asks that question to break the ice.

"You're not stunning at all." He said looking intently into her eyes.

"Is that a more tactful way of saying I'm ugly?" She raised her brows.

"A person has to stare at you long enough before he appreciates how beautiful you truly are. I mean, sure, you're really pretty, no doubt about that. All I'm saying's that, I can look at your face the entire day and never tire from it." He paused to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "I think it's more appealing that you are that kind of beauty… As compared to someone who comes off drop dead gorgeous the moment you lay your eyes on her but whose face you easily forget."

"You flatter me too much."

"Flattery connotes insincerity. I'm just saying the truth."

"You are not bad looking yourself."

"That was generous."

"Well, I'd rather have you shower me with your flowery words."

"A good mind is beautiful years after a pretty face is nothing but memory."

"But clearly I have both."

"Oh don't you get too cocky now."

She laughs, and when she laughs, he just lets himself be charmed by Blair Waldorf.

XoXo

A couple of weeks have passed and she still hasn't received a phone call from him. She doesn't tell anyone about her rendezvous with Carter Baizen, not even Serena so in the confines of her bedroom, she thinks, and when she thinks, she overanalyzes things. Had she been too witty, too opinionated for him? Did she seem too interested in him that there was hardly any more mystery around her to keep his interest? She can't believe that she's reading a self-help book entitled "He's Just Not That Into You" and so she concludes that maybe she should play hard to get next time and try to be less herself. She agrees to be asked out by Edward Cane, a guy in her Economy class. She wants to prove to herself that she can make a guy more interested in her than she is in him.

XoXo

"You don't really like the taste of beer and yet here you are downing a Budweiser at some Brooklyn bar." He said the words Budweiser and Brooklyn in a sarcastic tone, mocking her.

"Fancy seeing you here. Somehow I have a feeling you're stalking me."

"Who's with you now?"

"See? You're stalking," she declared. "I'm waiting for Serena and Cab-/Humphrey."

"That explains you being in Brooklyn but surely you would never agree to be a third wheel… Where's your date?"

"He's outside, some important phone call."

"If I were your date, I would never leave your side knowing that there will always be a next guy waiting in line just to be with you."

"Hmm…"

"I'm just saying… you look beautiful tonight. There's no doubt some other guy would notice that."

"Are you flirting with me?" She asked fixing the collar of his shirt.

He grins. "Can't you consider it as me just being honest?"

She smiles and he knows the answer to that is no. "You should try sangria."

"What is it? It sounds royal." She adds a playful tone to her voice. Of course, she knows all the cocktails being served at bars/clubs in the metro.

"It's a drink. Vodka plus red wine."

"Cool. Let me try that."

After a minute or two, the bartender gave them the drinks.

"How is it?" He asked.

She flirtatiously licks her lips with the taste of the beverage lingering on her tongue. "Okay."

"Would you like another drink?"

"Nope."

"You are flirting with me, aren't you?" He doesn't wait for her to object but instead, he reached for her hand and guided her to the dance floor.

"House music makes me nauseous," She said. She liked the way he leaned in closer so that he could hear what she was saying.

"But you're dancing to it anyway."

She surrendered herself in his presence. She became oblivious of her surroundings— the loud music, the bright lights and the drunk people around her.

Their moment was unfortunately interrupted when she saw Serena making her way towards her with Dan and Edward tagging along. Carter understood that this was his cue for him to leave but before doing so, he moves his face just a few centimeters away from the nape of her neck, hiding away from her friends' point of vision. She closes her eyes and waits for the kiss but he just does not do that. "Until we meet again, Waldorf," he whispers huskily to her ear, leaving her with goose bumps and her stomach dropping like she has just experienced one hell of a rollercoaster ride.

"Who was that?" Serena asked inquisitively, trying to make out the familiar figure hurrying away from them. Blair, on the other hand, just grabbed her to the VIP area and chastises them for being late.

She thought it would be her last encounter with him that night but she was proved wrong when she saw him again. It was a starless sky but the cold breeze makes it a peaceful night. They were standing beside the Christmas tree in the middle of Rockefeller Center.

"We couldn't keep on bumping into each other like this," She said.

Silence was his reply.

"Would you like to watch a movie some time?"

"I'll think about it."

She threw the idea out of her mind. She asked him how he was instead. They asked each other a lot of questions. They shared stories about each other. Up to this point, they have never addressed each other on a first name basis. He's intelligent but he's not boring. He's funny when he's not trying too hard to make her laugh. It's not his good looks or charming personality that draws him to her. There's something in the way he talks, the way he acts around her.

Three years of becoming constant companions. She had settled for this scenario. The chance meetings did not come up as a surprise to her anymore. Somehow, she just knew they'd keep on running into each other over and over again and they did. They have kept on bumping into each other at newly opened restaurants, bars, clubs, coffee shops, bookstores, parking lots, as anticipated. They've had their share of hellos and small talks and good long conversations.

XoXo

A starless sky. Another coffee shop in the Upper West Side. She was just sitting across him and so they were facing each other. Frank Sinatra's "Strangers in the Night" was playing in the background—

_Strangers in the night exchanging glances_

_Wondring in the night_

_What were the chances we'd be sharing love_

_Before the night was through._

She was distracted. She couldn't continue with what she was reading so she came up to him. "Are you waiting for me to initiate a conversation with you?"

"No." He seemed bored. He mixed the black coffee with a stirrer.

"Are you a patient guy?" She remained standing. He didn't motion for her to sit down. He just sat there, indifferent to her and to everything else.

"Not all the time." He spoke with such coldness and she didn't care.

"Waiting is painful. I don't like waiting for something that's not worth my time." She didn't know why she said it but that made him look at her. There was something in the way he was staring at her that made her nervous. She has never known this side of him that's so aloof and apathetic. The only thing she knows she should do whenever she's around him is to be cautious but all throughout their encounters, she does the opposite, she opens up to him more than she should.

"I've been sitting here for about 30 minutes now and I didn't look like I was waiting for someone else. Were you trying to make me wait for you?"

"I don't like the idea of letting a guy wait on me."

_Something in your eyes was so inviting,_

_Something in you smile was so exciting_

_Something in my heart,_

_Told me I must have you._

"Were you waiting for me to approach you first?" He asked her. The coldness was gone. His look was inquisitive.

"I don't want to wait for someone who's not worth my time." They were looking in each other's eyes while talking. She noticed that there were dark circles below his eyes and his hair was messy.

"Are you saying that I'm not fun to have around?" He wasn't being himself at that instant and it bothered her a little.

"I'm not saying that." She retorted breaking the eye contact.

"I'm not worth your time." He said in a low voice.

"You think so?" She asked.

"You said so yourself."

_Strangers in the night, two lonely people_

_We were strangers in the night_

_Up to the moment_

_When we said our first hello._

_Little did we know_

_Love was just a glance away,_

_A warm embracing dance away and -_

"Do you know what I hate the most about waiting for someone?" She said. "I hate waiting for someone who wants me to wait for him because it's not right. I hate waiting for someone who makes me think that waiting for him is a good thing because waiting, to him, is a fun game. I hate waiting for someone to make up his mind about wanting me after all this time that he had made me feel wanted." She gasped for air and found his eyes still fixed on her. "I don't want to wait for someone who keeps me hanging."

He remained silent. The song was about to end.

_Ever since that night we've been together.  
Lovers at first sight, in love forever.  
It turned out so right,  
For strangers in the night._

"Did he deliberately say that he wants you?" It didn't seem like a question with the way he had said it.

_Did he deliberately say that he wants me? _She was dumbfounded at this. Her mind totally froze.

She does not say anything and avoids looking into his eyes. She took a sip of what's left of her green tea frappe because she didn't have any idea what to do, how to react.

"I have to go." She took her purse and without glancing back, she left. She just left, feeling humiliated though she wasn't sure if it was exactly what she was feeling. Then she thought that Carter reminded her most of Chuck Bass and maybe, just maybe, the things that she told him earlier were the things that she has so long ago wanted to tell Chuck.

She was already ten restaurants away when she realized that she forgot the book she had been reading. As soon as she was about to go back to the direction where she had come from, she saw him holding the book with his right hand. "You forgot this. You were such in a hurry."

"Yeah. Well… I have to be somewhere else."

He looked at the book's cover before he returned it to her. "The Unbearable Lightness of a Being. Milan Kundera. You're quite the literary type."

"Thanks. You recommended it to me."

"Hm."

"I have to go now. Keep safe."

"Yeah, you too."

She turned around and he continued walking slowly. But for some reason, his feet felt heavy so he just stood there motionless among dozens and dozens of New Yorkers passing by. He honestly wanted something more than whatever it is that they've had but underneath it all, he felt insecure when it came to her. Or maybe he only felt that way when he saw her with one of his protégées. They were dining at Le Soufflé, his hand was on top of hers and she was genuinely smiling at him. They look happy and in love. He was aware that he has developed some feelings for Blair but all he could do now is be a good man and walk away. If he was still the same Carter from before, the guy who conned Nate in a poker game, he never would have cared.

He couldn't help but look back to where they have left off. He saw her moving farther and farther away from his sight. He ran as fast as he could to reach her. He was acting on an impulse and he silently prays for her to look back and when she does, she gives him a puzzled look. He remained frozen. His mind was trying to find the right words to say to her.

"Do you have something to say?" She asked trying to break the awkward silence surrounding them.

"Saturday night. Meet me at the coffee shop where we first met. Do you still remember?"

"Yes… Are you asking me out on a date?"

"A date is something two people do to explore the possibility of romance. I just want to get together."

"It still sounds like a date." She smiled. It was her first one that night. "I'll think about it."

"I'll be there at around 7. I will wait for you. It's not that I don't want you but it's because I'm afraid to want you and maybe that's a bit hard to believe coming from my mouth because I'm Carter Baizen, I never ramble in front of a girl. If you don't show up then I will stop thinking about you. I will stop obsessing about you when I haven't seen you for a very long time. I will stop…"

And with that, he left her thinking that maybe, just maybe, he might be the better version of a certain Chuck Bass.

XoXo

_Ce qui est essentiel est invisible à l'oeil nu." _(Translation: What is essential is invisible to the naked eye."


	2. Chapter 2

"_Saturday night. Meet me at the coffee shop where we first met. Do you still remember?"_

"_Yes… Are you asking me out on a date?"_

"_A date is something two people do to explore the possibility of romance. I just want to get together on purpose, for a change." _

"_It still sounds like a date." She smiled. It was her first one that night. "I'll think about it." _

"_I'll be there at around 7. I will wait for you. It's not that I don't want you but it's because I'm afraid to want you and maybe that's a bit hard to believe coming from my mouth because I'm Carter Baizen, I never ramble in front of a girl. If you don't show up then I will stop thinking about you. I will stop obsessing about you when I haven't seen you for a very long time. I will stop…" _

_And with that, he left her thinking that maybe; just maybe, Carter Baizen might be the better version of a certain Chuck Bass._

XoXo

She was standing on a pavement just across the street from the coffee shop where she's supposed to meet with him. The coffee shop transforms into a bar and restaurant at night; the entire place only gets crowded with people by past ten. She had remained standing there, contemplating, when a memory from a few years ago resurfaced into her mind.

She could remember the opera song playing in the background and the dry martini she just ordered for the second time that night when Carter had found her sitting alone by the bar, drinking her woes away; her misery exposed for the entire world to see (but there had only been him.)

It would have been romantic― the way he found her, the way he approached her, the opera song playing in the background while he comforted her, telling her that she was still beautiful despite her spirit being wounded, her ego being bruised and her hopes, dreams and aspirations being thrown out of the window.

It would have been romantic― but it wasn't because it had been the same night when Karma found its way and finally came face to face with her. There she was getting what she deserved for all the wrong that she has done, for all her lies and deception. It was the same night when she finally realized that Blair Waldorf's so-called perfect life is far from perfect and everything that she has worked hard for were nothing but useless and futile attempts. For it was Serena's words echoing in her mind that penetrated her soul and gave her a clearer look at what she has become: _"Betrayal's in your nature_._" _

It would have been romantic― but it wasn't because as she listened to the reassuring words that were rolling out of his mouth, his hand was already sliding on her upper thigh. She saw that there was no sincerity in his eyes but only lust that he did not even bother to conceal. She was broken and she had not meant to think that he was taking advantage of her. She did not care. She did not expect. He wanted her body; she wanted to defy the world. That was all there is to it. But now it was different.

She was now observing him from where she was still standing across the street. She could see his back through the slightly-tinted window, his posture was erect. He was sitting by the bar, waiting for her. And then, it hit her― _What am I doing being sucked into another Chuck Bass?_ She thought to herself so she hailed a cab, wanting to leave as fast as she can before she even changes her mind.

XoXo

"Scotch on the rocks," he ordered the bartender but quickly changed his mind. "Make that water, for now." The bartender just shrugs his shoulders so Carter blatantly adds, "I'm waiting for someone. Don't want to make her think I'm getting intoxicated this early on to our date." To which the bartender had laughed. "Whatever you say, boss," he remarked, settling the bottle of Jack Daniels back into its place.

It was already seven o'clock. He turned to look at the door from his watch and saw another Brunette hail a cab across the street. She looks too much like Blair, he thinks. He flips open his phone to call her but stops when he realized that it was really Blair Waldorf who just got inside the cab.

"I think I might need a drink to calm my nerves, after all," he told the bartender.

"What about _your_ girl?" He asked, still pouring a bottle of scotch on a glass already filled with ice.

"She cancelled."

"Well, in that case, here's your drink." The bartender passed him the scotch and Carter drinks the contents of the entire glass in just one gulp.

XoXo

_He was walking down the street; he spotted her in the crowd. She smiled. He smiled back. There was an exchange of meaning glances for a moment and then it was gone the next when Nate Archibald walks towards her and kisses her. _

He opened his eyes, sat up on the bed and turned to his side. 2:15 a.m. The digital clock on his bedside table read.

He tried not to think. He lay on his back, closed his eyes, tried to sleep. Ten minutes later, after turning from side to side and tossing the sheets, he willed himself to get out of the bed. He wondered if she was already tired because she's the thought that has been running through his mind a lot lately. When even with his eyes closed and his mind drifted off to sleep; she still finds a way to haunt him through his dreams.

Later on that day, his mother had asked for him to attend the annual White Party at the Hamptons in her place. Even though he had a busy work schedule that week, he had promised to oblige her mother's simple request, knowing that Blair would be coming to the party as well. If he had to see her again, confront her just to rid his mind from thoughts of her, he would just to also keep his sanity from waning.

XoXo

She was wearing a long and flowy summer dress when he saw her again. She was all smiles, ever the social butterfly that she is. When she throws her head back in laughter, he could not help but be mesmerized at her all the more. A month has passed since their disastrous first date; he honestly did not know what else to call it.

Maybe she had been right about him being a stalker for he was following her every move with his eyes the entire time. He was waiting for the right moment to accidentally bump into her again when he saw that Chuck has already approached her.

He did not know that Serena was just standing next to him, following his eyesight, trying to fathom his train of thoughts. She knows of Carter and of his wicked ways so she refuses to notice the way he was looking at her.

"Carter, whatever you're planning to do with her… Stop. Just stay away from her."

He knows that it was Chuck who would cause her more pain so he imperturbably replied to Serena's warning, "Shouldn't you be telling that to him?"

Serena abruptly leaves to talk to Blair and he decided to go back to New York that evening without having the chance to talk to Blair.

XoXo

Her long brown hair was being blown away by the wind but she was still in deep concentration, taking pictures of the sunset. There was something graceful with the way her fingers work around the old SLR camera she had in her soft and delicate hands. She stopped, sat down on the white sand, leaned back and closed her eyes feeling the breeze touch her face while listening to the waves of the waters from ten feet away. She looked a lot different from when he last saw her but she still looked beautiful. He just stood there, watching her, wandering how she's going to react once she sees him. After all this time, though he has always envisioned this moment, he still did not know what to say.

He was about to go when she turned back and saw him. He walked closer to where she was standing. She gave him a closer look. He smiled. They were just standing there for about a minute or so. He was too tongue tied to say anything and she was just as stunned as he is. They slowly realize that they're not themselves whenever they're facing each other. He had to say something eventually.

"You never fail to surprise me, Waldorf." He had his hands on his pocket. His gaze was on her eyes. "Just when I thought that I've already gotten to know you, you do something entirely out of character."

"Aaron has brought out the artistic side of me." Her eyes were fixed on the sand. She did not dare to look at him, yet. "Besides, I think that I have always been creative."

"Plotting revenge against those people who have wronged you, "he added.

She raised her eyebrow at this and retorted, "Not that I have to explain why I have done the things that I did but those people deserved what was coming to them."

"But now, you've changed so much. You cut your hair short. You said you never will. You're not that Blair Waldorf I used to know."

"Well… Change is the only constant thing in this world."

"But the things that make you who you are don't." He paused and placed strands of hair blocking her eyes behind her ears.

"Such as?"

"The way you pout when you're angry or annoyed and a lot of things, I'm sure."

A cold wind passed by. She touched her shoulders trying to keep herself warm.

"So… What brings you here?" He asked. She seemed a bit distracted.

"I'm here to uhm, attend an engagement party. Listen, it's nice to see you again… but I have to go."

With that, she left. He followed her. "Wait!"

"What now?"

"Maybe we can have coffee tomorrow."

"I already have plans."

"What about the day after tomorrow?"

She finally looked at him this time, her eyes narrowed in annoyance with his pushiness. "You can't just show up like this in my life. Not right now, not when I have things in order."

"See. You're still you, after all, no matter how _Zen-like_ you've become."

He lets her leave. She didn't look back and he did not run after her. He lay down on the sand, looked at the stars, his mind filled with regrets of what he had done in the past.

XoXo

She would usually go back to sleep after the alarm clock rings but this time; she immediately got up, brushed her teeth and got dressed. When she reached the lobby, she heard someone playing a familiar tune so she followed the sound of the piano. It was a sad melody and whoever was playing it seems to be suffering from such misery. The lights were a bit dim so as she walked closer, she could only see the figure of a man behind the beautiful black piano. Music stopped. The player seemed to be aware of the intruder's presence.

"Carter." The sound of her voice calling his name brings shivers to his spine. He looks at her and 'hey' was all he could blurt out.

Her hair was tied up in a high ponytail. The back of her shirt was tucked in her black sweat pants. He used to see her dressed up in designer clothes and she used to see him always looking so polished and neat. But right now, his hair was a mess, his polo was wrinkled, his eyes looked tired and stoic.

"Hey." She greeted him. "I'd say the same thing about you."

He gives her an inquiring look.

She quotes the exact thing he told her earlier: "_Just when I thought that I've already gotten to know you, you do something entirely out of character._"

"A person is like a deep sea full of secrets to unfold, mysteries to uncover," he tells her.

"How come I never knew you know how to play the piano?"

"Somewhere over the rainbow's a crowd favorite." He said, playing the song again. "People always ask me to play the song during dinner parties at home."

"I really can't remember. You already left Manhattan for the most part." She purses her lips as she often does when she's thinking. "Oh wait, lemme think… There was this one party at your Park Avenue house, although I couldn't remember the song you were playing or the occasion. " She lets out a small laugh.

"It was 'when I fall in love'"

"You are such a romantic," she said, rolling her eyes at him.

He laughs and explains, "No, it was my parents' favorite song. It was their silver anniversary."

She nods her head, saying, "While everybody else's marriage has ended up in a divorce, your parents' relationship have gotten stronger over the years."

"They always tell me it's better to fight than to pretend that things are going smoothly."

"So tell me, Baizen, how did you learn to play the piano so well?" She asked.

"When I was backpacking in Europe, I got stucked in Paris for about two months or so. I didn't have anything, no money, no place to stay… So, I decided to get a job, save enough money to go to London or maybe, Berlin… I didn't even have an exact destination in mind. So anyways, I was lucky to get a job at this French restaurant. They were looking for a pianist… I guess all the piano lessons my mother made me take since I was 7 were worth something."

"C'était une expérience vraie."

"Oui. C'était comment j'ai appris comment parler le français comme un indigène."

"How come it sounded like you just proposed to me?"

He laughed. She smiled.

"So tell me more about your adventures in Paris. Were you able to meet a girl, fall in love?"

"No, actually not. People go there on their honeymoon and some people go there looking for love…"

"And you? What did you find?"

"Well, I had a different perspective… Maybe it was because I was not there as a tourist, but I was only there to get by."

"Care to expound?"

He thinks for a while before he continues to speak. "In any modern big city anywhere in the world the rush hour ritual is the same. Millions swarming the sidewalks, purposefully walking and spilling into the streets, shoving themselves into cars and taxis, squeezing into already packed buses and trains. And as rituals go, this should be a gathering, a coming together. But, instead, as depicted in movies countless times, you can never feel more alone than in a rush hour crowd. Always everyone is in a hurry to get to his or her destination, or in a private world inside their heads-of bills, deadlines, promotions, or primetime TV serials. Rarely does anybody become more than a stranger in the street to anyone else."

When she does not nod or say anything, he continues to speak. "Of all the cities I've been to, Tokyo, London, Milan… It was in Paris where I realized how utterly alone and lonely I am, how much I missed home. You see, when you are a miles away from home and you're looking at the Eiffel Tower or Taj Mahal, you let the view captivate you in such a way that you forget everything else including home. But then that feeling goes away and you end up feeling more lost."

"That's probably one of the most profound things anyone has ever told me so far," she said, letting his eyes bore into her soul.

He continued playing the piano to Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata as she listened eagerly, comforted by this newly established bond between them.

"It has been told that Beethoven wrote his Moonlight sonata… when he was playing the piano for a blind girl at night."

"That explains why it was called Moonlight sonata."

"It was actually rumored to be dedicated to his pupil, 17-year-old Countess Giulietta Guicciardi, with whom Beethoven was, or had been, in love."

"What happened?"

"Well… For all we know, it must have ended in a tragedy."

"Have you ever fallen in love?"

"Why did you wake up so early?" He asked. It was their thing. She would ask a question and he would answer her by asking another.

"I wanted to take pictures of the sunrise."

He stood up. "Is it not too late?" He opened the vertical blinds concealing the view from outside. The sun was already rising.

"Maybe next time." She said with such ease, it puzzles him.

"So you're no longer mad at me?" He used the word mad loosely.

"Yeah… about that, I apologize for acting however I have acted last night."

"What happened?"

"What do you mean, what _happened_?"

"You know, a year ago. I asked you out, you never showed up. Well… I did see the big yellow taxi take you away."

"Oh. _That ._" She bit her lip, trying to come up with an explanation but she was not able to think clearly. "Carter, listen, honestly, I wish I could tell you that I've already forgotten about that but you have to know…"

"No. It's okay. You don't have to explain. I'm sorry for bringing that up. It's actually a sore subject to my ego. For the record, you were the first girl who had ever stood me up on a first date. It was a humbling experience." There had been a change in the tone of his voice so he had to dismiss the subject and instead ask her how she is although he has always been curious to know what had been the reason behind her sudden change of mind.

She told him that she has decided to go to med school. He again, becomes impressed by this and so he tells her, "Why Waldorf, you never fail to surprise me. Who would have thought?"

"Actually, I never would have thought you'd change your rebellious ways. No offense."

"None taken."

"You have taken your father's business empire into new heights and you were even featured in People magazine as one of the youngest and most successful entrepreneurs. Now that is something quite impressive."

"Now, Waldorf, you don't have to give me so much credit for it was my father who has guided me all this time. If I had my way, I would be choosing a different path to take."

"What was your dream?" She asked. He told her once that all he wanted to do was see the world and have it instilled in his memory by taking pictures of all the beautiful things he saw.

"They make the best pancakes and crepes in here." He would say something else whenever he's trying to change the topic and she would always let the question pass.

"You're still the same pastry guy." She glanced at him. "Let's go to the diner nearby instead. It opens up at eight. Waffles are for 99 cents."

"We can take a walk at the beach meanwhile."

"Yeah. That'll be nice."

His hair touches the collar of his creased white polo and he hasn't shaved for a while. He had been drinking as he reeks the smell of alcohol. She noticed this but she didn't ask. So many things have changed in a year and it's not that they didn't want to know what these changes were. They couldn't bring themselves to it just yet.

"The waters are calling out to us." She said taking off her clothes. "Let's take a dip."

She let the waves run to her knees as he followed her.

"You still don't know how to swim." He said swimming toward a deeper part of the waters.

She giggled and went back to the shore and lay down at the sand, letting the waves catch up to her feet every now and then. "You're a great swimmer. Wait. Let me take a women's magazine worthy picture of you."

He stood up in front of her as she took pictures of him. She laughed at his seriousness.

"I like being behind the camera more than I do being the one who's photographed." He was dripping wet and he was tempted to use his polo as a towel but instead, he sat next to her also allowing the waves catch up to his feet every now and then.

They were quiet for a while but it wasn't the awkward silence that used to exist between them.

She stood up and started to walk slowly, he did the same. "I like the feel of sand in between my toes."

"You were a beautiful sight to watch yesterday."

"You're still my number 1 stalker." She picked up her clothes and went ahead. "I've to go and get changed. I'll see you in an hour for breakfast."

He ran towards her to catch up.

XoXo

He had been waiting for her at the diner for almost an hour. Another 5 minutes, another 10. He never waited on her that long because back then, it had been too easy. He'll just catch a glimpse of her amongst the crowd or she'll just be sitting across him in a café and then they'll start with the occasional small talk which more often than not, turns into a few laughs and a long conversation.

He left a dollar for the coffee he did not even bother to drink and walked back to the hotel. He looked as if he had just gotten back from a 5-kilometer run when he reached the lobby. The receptionist greeted and informed him that he didn't have any messages. The elevator doors opened. She was in it.

"Waldorf."

"Baizen. I'm sorry about… Something came up and I didn't have the chance to drop by to…."

A tall and handsome man who was holding a bouquet of red roses called her name. She saw him and she immediately ran up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck as she placed a sweet peck on his lips. "You said you're not gonna be here 'til Monday." He smiles at her but frowns when he saw Carter standing behind her.

"_Archibald_."

"_Baizen_."

"Now, boys, I know you have had your issues back then but it had been a long time ago," Blair graciously said as she watched the exchange of glares between them.

Nate wraps his arm around her waist protectively; a gesture that which made Blair winced. She wasn't used to him being possessive.

Carter did not fail to catch that but not wanting to cause trouble amongst them, he politely excused himself to leave when Nate stopped him, "Blair's right. How about you come to the rehearsal dinner with us tonight? For old times' sake."

"You didn't mention you were getting married." A look of surprise was plastered all over his face when he realized that the engagement party she was here for was hers. "You weren't wearing an engagement ring." He said bluntly.

Nate turned to Blair and said, "Oh yeah about that, I took the ring back to the jewelers. It will take a week or two to have it, uhm, fixed." He paused. "This girl really needs to eat she's too thin. The ring I gave her when I proposed didn't fit her ring finger."

"She actually has a voracious appetite. She's just lucky to have an incredibly fast metabolism." Carter countered.

Nate looks at them both so Blair turns to Carter and said, ignoring his last statement, "We'd love to have your company tonight. I'll introduce you to a friend. She's beautiful and smart. You'll certainly like her."

"In that case, I'll be there."

XoXo

Carter was looking for Blair at the restaurant when a tall blonde woman bumped into him and spilled the rest of her champagne on his clothes. She quickly apologized. He told her that it's okay while taking off his blazer.

"I'm Marise by the way." She extended her hand for a handshake. "Let me pay for the dry cleaning or something… What about a drink?"

He shook her hands. "Carter. You really don't need to do that. I'm meeting some friends here."

"Oh! You must be Blair's friend."

"And you must be Blair's pretty friend. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"Thank you. Well… You don't look bad yourself."

"Thanks." Carter saw Blair making her way towards them.

"I see you two have already gotten acquainted," the brunette woman in front of him casually says. Carter kisses her on each cheek and hands her a present.

They had met like this a dozen of times before. He would bump at her when she's on the way to the restroom, she would comment something about the food and the ambiance and he would always agree. Back then, she would be sitting a few tables away from him and they would casually glance and smile at each other. But now, another guy gazes into her eyes and she wouldn't look at him the same way.

"So tell me, Carter, how long have you been friends with Blair?" Marise was curious since she knows all of Blair's friends and yet she never mentioned Carter to her.

"We kind of grew up together in New York."

"That's nice. So you used to be childhood friends."

"For the most part, yes."

XoXo

She found him at the bar at 2 in the morning, drinking a bottle of wine. She sat down beside him, rested her elbow on the table and turned to him. He seemed like he's already half drunk but he managed to order a frozen margarita for her.

He turned to her, "Hey there stranger."

"That's how you would always greet me whenever we see each other at a club or at some bar."

"And don't forget, I danced with you each time until some random guy dances with you whenever I leave you alone for just a second."

"And you always sit back and watch." She fixed the collar of the white camisole he was wearing, just like she used to before. He remembered this too well.

"I forgot to congratulate you."

"Yeah. You didn't stay for coffee…"

"I'm happy for you, Blair." He faked a smile and gave her a hug.

"Thanks."

"Where's Nate?"

"He's in his room, sleeping. I couldn't sleep."

"So, do you have a date for the wedding?"

"We're not sure yet but I have always wanted a Fall wedding."

He smiled, again with that pretentious smile to show her that he's happy for her.

"You don't have to pretend you're happy for me, Carter." She said, seeing through his act.

They let the time pass without talking. She took a sip of her margarita and he was trying to drink the rest of the contents of the glass he was holding but it had been empty. She wiped his mouth with a napkin as she snatched the glass away from him when the bartender was about to fill it. "That's enough now, Carter." She whispered in his ear. He clumsily got his wallet from his back pocket and left some bills on the table as he stood up and struggled with balance. She immediately took her black Gucci clutch bag and put his arm around her neck and shoulders in an effort to help him walk properly.

"Where is your suite?" She didn't yell but she said it loud enough so that he could hear. He didn't reply but he was still struggling to walk and she was struggling to support him. She could have asked the receptionist what his room number was but he broke away from her and went outside to the beach. When he stopped at a certain spot and lay on the sand, she did the same. They were both looking at the stars, their breathing was in synchrony. Her head was spinning and it was probably the effects of alcohol on her or the effect of being near him again, maybe. Their fingers were brushing each other and it almost felt natural to hold hands at that moment, so he took her hand and entwined it into his. She turned to his direction, he to her and then they both closed their eyes. Words weren't needed to be said to tell each other what they feel.

-----

"C'était une expérience vraie." (Translation: That was quite an experience")

"Oui. C'était comment j'ai appris comment parler le français comme un indigène." (Translation: Yes. That was how I learned how to speak French like a native.")


	3. Chapter 3

"Where is your suite?" She didn't yell but she said it loud enough so that he could hear. He didn't reply but he was still struggling to walk and she was struggling to support him. She could have asked the receptionist what his room number was but he broke away from her and went outside to the beach.

When he stopped at a certain spot and lay on the sand, she did the same. They were both looking at the stars, their breathing was in synchrony. Her head was spinning and it was probably the effects of alcohol on her or the effect of being near him again, maybe. Their fingers were brushing each other and it almost felt natural to hold hands at that moment, so he took her hand and entwined it into his. She turned to his direction, he to her and then they both closed their eyes. Words weren't needed to be said to tell each other what they feel.

**3**

Carter finally wakes up to see that Blair has already left. He already knew she would so this was no surprise for him but he was still hoping that by the time he opens his eyes, she'd still be there.

When Blair arrived to their hotel suite, she sees Nate packing his bags. He sees her in all her disheveled appearance— her clothes from last night were now wrinkled and there was still some sand in her tousled hair, he winces at this.

"What are you doing?" She remained standing there, waiting for his response.

"We need to talk," was what came out of his mouth. He could not look at her yet so he glances at the wall clock for the time.

"Okay. I'm going to shower first. There's this diner nearby, serves the best blueberry—"

"No, Blair. This can't wait. We need to talk now."

Ignoring his last statement, she finally takes a step closer to him to ask why he was packing. He doesn't answer, but he was deep in his thoughts. Blair finally gives up and asks him. "Fine, tell me, what is there to talk about?"

"Carter." It was only after he mentioned _his_ name when he dared himself to look at her.

"What about… him?" Blair tried to ask nonchalantly but the look on her face gave her away. Her trying too hard to act indifferent to the mention of his name is making her more seem that she cared.

"Don't try to act all innocent now, Blair," Nate boldly says, looking straight at her eyes.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She tries hard not to flinch at the tone he was using at her so she also starts yelling at him.

"I know about the two of you…." He says this as it is, although it was hurting him now more than ever.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Look, I get it, you're jealous… And you were trying to be cool about everything… It's okay. You don't have to…"

"I saw the way he was looking at you last night. And in your eyes, I didn't know what I saw but I never saw you look at me like that, maybe you used to but not anymore."

"But why did you even invite him in the first place?"

"I wanted to convince myself that he doesn't mean anything to you."

"But he's less than a friend. There's nothing to worry about."

"I don't know how you can continue lying to me like that, Blair. The more you deny something, the more that it means something else." She doesn't say anything to contradict him so he continues to speak, "I woke up this morning to see that you were already gone. No, you were never there to begin with. The receptionist told me that you were with Carter the entire night."

"He had too much to drink… He was drunk and I just happen to be there. I can't just leave him like that. I only helped him out, that's all! You have nothing to worry ab-"

"You could have easily asked someone for 'help'. Look, Blair, all I'm asking you is a little honesty here, okay?" He sighs, gathering the courage to ask, "Did you… Did you sleep with him?"

"Fine, Nate, if that's what you want! I spent the rest of the night with him because I badly needed to know if I still have feelings for him but we didn't—"

"And so, what did you find out?"

She avoids looking at his eyes when she admits that she still does.

Seeing that Carter might have feelings for her was already too much for him but her confession just makes everything unbearable for him. He sat on the bed, trying to process things. "Where does that leave us now?"

"I, uh, I don't know. Sure, I love you… I love you." She was kneeling in front of him, holding his face in her hands, trying to reassure him.

"But are you in love with him?"

"I don't know, okay?" She continues to caress his face, hoping that this gesture would make him stop but it only made him furious.

"DAMMIT BLAIR! ARE YOU **STILL** IN LOVE WITH HIM?"

He stands up and she falls on her side to the floor. "I honestly don't know, Nate. I don't know and I'm sorry."

She starts to weep but he does not look back to her . "I'm leaving. I'm taking the next flight to New York… You can stay here for as long as you like. I'll just tell them I have an important meeting to attend that's why I had to leave earlier."

He carried his bags and shut the door behind him, not minding the clothes he left on the bed.

"Nate! Wait! Please!" She yells at him at the hallway, desperate to make him stop. "I never knew you were such a masochist."

He stops and she almost feels relieved. He sees her in all her disheveled appearance— her clothes from last night were now wrinkled and there was still some sand in her tousled hair and he swears to God, she never looked more vulnerable than she does now. He stops, not because he wanted to stay. He stops because he wants to wipe the tears away from her face, because he does not want to leave her like this.

And he does wipe the tears away from her face. She closes her eyes to his warmth. "I love you," she hears him say. "I love you so, so much that the idea of losing you to him, or anybody else, or the sole idea of losing you for that matter makes me sick to my stomach that I can hardly breathe."

"Then be with me, Nate. I promise you, I am never going to see him again! I won't let this come between us."

"But I don't want to be selfish in loving you. I need you to sort your feelings out for him. I need you to realize that what we have is incomparable and that at the end of the day, I need you to believe that I'm the one who's right for you and no one else."

He kisses her lips softly and with that final act, he leaves her speechless. She has always felt that it was her who loves more in their relationship but now, she was proven wrong.

After 10 minutes or so of sobbing, she finally realized that what she needs right now is a one way plane ticket to New York. She needs to fix her relationship with Nate.

The next flight was due at 4 o'clock in the afternoon, she learns. Nate probably took the 11-am flight.

XoXoXo

She sees Carter waiting for her in the lobby and she tries to ignore him.

"I'm leaving," She says plainly.

"I can see that." He gives the bell boy his tip for carrying Blair's luggage and she rolls her eyes at him for this. "Where's your Nathaniel?"

"He had to leave earlier."

He touches her right elbow and says, "He already knows, huh?"

Blair moves away from him in an instant and coldly replies, "What is there to know?"

But he would not make her get away from him again, not this time so he corners her to the wall, his face on the side of hers. He hears her let out a sigh but she doesn't do anything to stop him from doing what he was doing, "You still feel the connection between us, don't you? And it never disappeared, if not, it only grew more."

A black Sedan parks in front of them and the driver takes her luggage.

"Don't leave," he pleads. She finally breaks away from his touch and says, "You shouldn't have shown up again in my life like this. It's too late. He's the right guy for me."

"You can have your shot at happiness with me. We can live a happy life together."

"What makes you sure of that?" She doesn't wait for an answer so she honestly tells him that she feels something for him but it's not enough to consider leaving her life with Nate. "I'd be happy knowing that I've done the right thing. I love him. I need to stay with him."

And with those final words, Blair quickly enters the car. He rushes to the parking lot to take his car but Marise stops him. She was standing there long enough to overhear their entire conversation.

"She's running after him. You're running after her but if you look behind you, there's no one who's running after you," she tells him. "If you love her, just let her go."

"No, you're wrong. I actually love her enough to fight for her."

He ran with all his might to reach her. He's not letting her go just like that, not this time.


End file.
